


All You Had To Do Was Ask

by firstdegreefangirl



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Buck just has a lot of feelings, Feelings Realization, Fights, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Requited Love, Unrequited Love, and no idea what to do with them, so he takes them out on Eddie, that soon becomes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23978992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firstdegreefangirl/pseuds/firstdegreefangirl
Summary: Buck realizes that being in love with Eddie feels better than any love he's ever been in before.And he's FURIOUS about it
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 241





	All You Had To Do Was Ask

**Author's Note:**

> Blame Charlie. Charlie gave me this idea. But we love him for it. Thaaaaaaaaaanks, bestie!

“Eddie, hand me a-” before he can even ask, the neck brace Buck needs appears in front of him. 

“Buck, do you have-” Buck passes him the seatbelt cutter, and watches his friend lean back in the open door of the crumpled Impala. 

They always work like this, have from their very first call. It’s seamless, the way he and Eddie anticipate the questions they ask each other at scenes, have supplies ready before they need them. ‘Two peas in a pod,’ people like to call them, but Buck thinks it’s something more than that. 

He’d call it ‘two halves of the same peanut,’ but that’s not something people say. 

And he can’t think about that now, not when he’s tagging in for Eddie and applying pressure to the blood dripping down their latest victim’s forehead. She’s 16, driving her first car when someone ran a red light and hit her front end, spinning her across a busy intersection. 

Buck watches Eddie jog over to where Hen and Chimney are climbing out of the ambulance, then turns back to the girl. 

“Julie, right? I’m Buck. We’re gonna take good care of you, get you to the doctors who can do even better than we can.” 

She smiles at him, and tries to nod her head, but the brace gets in the way. 

“Good. Can't die before my dad kills me for wrecking the car.” 

“Nah, he won’t kill you. Wasn’t even your fault.” She raises her eyebrows at him. 

“Yeah, but he’ll lecture me enough that I’ll wish he would. That’s kinda what dads do. Anyway, how long have you guys been dating?” 

“What?” 

“You and the other firefighter. You’re a cute couple.” 

“Nah, we’re not --” Buck blinks at her, then looks up at Eddie, who waves from where he’s talking to Bobby, Hen and Chimney. He waves back before he can think about not reciprocating the gesture, and Julie giggles. 

“But you want to, don’t you?” 

Buck doesn’t answer right away, can’t answer right away when he doesn’t even know what the answer should be. Because his first thought is to say no, that he doesn’t want to date Eddie. But his next thought is that he doesn’t have any reason to lie to Julie, and the thought after that is _why would that be a lie?_

Then it hits him all at once, the two and a half years he’s known Eddie flashing before his eyes. It feels so much like a movie montage that for a second, Buck wonders if he’s dying. 

He’s not dying though, and he knows that, has almost died enough times that he knows what it feels like. 

This is an entirely new feeling, one that’s blinking against the backs of his eyes like a neon sign only he can see: _you idiot, you’re in love_! 

Only he’s been in love before, and it’s never felt like this. Or, he thinks he’s been in love before, with Abby, maybe a little bit with Ali, almost definitely with the girl he took to his senior prom back in Pennsylvania. 

And none of those feelings can even begin to compare to what he feels when he thinks about Eddie, or looks at Eddie, or hang out with Eddie, or … 

Any of it, as long as it’s with Eddie. 

_He’s been in love with his best friend for God-only-knows-how-long, and he’s wasted all that time not even knowing?_

That thought sits heavy in his stomach, worse than eating pasta right before the fire alarm goes off. Eddie’s back at his side now, helping wrench the car door back far enough to get a stretcher in and lift Julie onto it. 

They finish clearing the scene in the same brilliant tandem as always, two parts of the same well-oiled machine. But Buck can't bring himself to look Eddie in the eye, and when they’re back in the rig, and Eddie nudges his foot, asks if he wants a bottle of water, he won’t let himself smile as he responds. 

“Sure. Thanks.” He looks back down at his hands and hears Eddie distantly tell him that Julie should be fine, they were just taking preventative measures. Buck knows that, and manages to say so, using only one word. “Yeah.” 

Eddie stops asking questions, probably figuring that Buck is taking the call personally. It happens to all of them sometimes, so they all know to leave it alone in each other. 

When they get back to the station, Buck figures he can dodge Eddie for the rest of the shift, figure out what he’s going to do with the lump of anger he’s got building up. He invites Hen for a round of Mario Kart, and the trash talk is as loud and boisterous as always. 

His problem isn’t with her, after all. Until she knocks him off the Rainbow Road halfway through the second race. 

Eddie looks up from his phone when the scores pop up on the screen and asks Buck if he wants to come over after work, join him and Chris for movie night. 

“Sure.” He’s stony for a brief moment, offering an answer with no emotion or elaboration, then sticks his tongue out at Hen and laughs. “No! You’re not making me run the donut track!” He lets himself forget about his frustration long enough to enjoy two more rounds with Hen and help Bobby fix dinner for everyone, but it comes back when the team is all sitting around the table together. 

“Buck, pass me the ketchup?” Eddie points at the bottle sitting by Buck’s elbow, and recoils when Buck tosses it at him harder than necessary. “Whoa, OK then, Hulk.” 

Everyone else laughs, but Buck just rolls his eyes and finishes the meal in silence. 

He follows Eddie home after work, lets Chris curl up in his lap and watches Finding Dory with them for the millionth time. But as soon as the movie ends and he helps Christopher make sure his backpack is packed, he stretches and forces a loud yawn. 

“Boy, I’m beat, guys. Think I’m gonna head out for the night.” 

“You sure, man?” Eddie looks up from where he’s rinsing their glasses out in the sink. “You know you’re always welcome to the couch. 

“Yep.” He abandons any pretenses, giving in to the cold edge in his voice. 

“Alright. Drive safe.” 

“Sure.” 

* * *

It goes on like this for another week. Buck feels the anger and resentment toward Eddie growing every day. 

_He's never really been in love before and it’s Eddie’s fault that he knows that now_. 

They still work seamlessly together; Buck is mature enough not to let his feelings interfere with work, and even though he wants to, he can’t find a way to turn off the part of his mind that’s so perfectly in synch with Eddie’s. 

Hen notices by the third day, and asks Buck if Eddie spit in his sandwich. He feels his jaw tighten and makes himself relax it before he responds. 

“Nope.” He looks to Eddie, then back to Hen with his usual broad smile. “Hey, how’s Nia settling into preschool?” 

“Fine,” Hen glances quizzically between them, but there’s nothing visibly amiss, so she moves on. “She misses her mamas at drop-off, but there hasn’t been a day yet we haven’t added something to her art gallery on the fridge.” 

* * *

That same night, he’s back at Eddie’s house for pizza and board games with him and Christopher. Eddie unfolds himself from where he’s sitting on the floor and picks up his paper plate, then looks at Buck and holds his hand out. 

“You finished? I can throw yours out too.” 

“Yep.” Buck hands him the plate and watches him roll his eyes. 

“Bucky?” Christopher waits for Eddie to be out of the room to lean over and whisper to Buck. 

“What’s up?” 

“Are you mad at Dad?” Buck looks up and accidentally makes eye contact with Eddie as he walks back into the room. 

“Nope.” He turns back to Christopher and notices the disbelieving look on his face. “Hey, you still reading Stuart Little in school?” 

“Yeah! He’s got a tiny mouse car to drive!” Christopher goes along with the subject change, not paying any notice to the way Buck looks uncomfortably at Eddie as he sits back down, or the way Eddie glances warily at Buck as he talks about Snowball the Cat. 

* * *

But Christopher noticing isn’t the worst thing to happen to Buck that week. 

No, it gets worse when Bobby catches him by the arm on his way out of the garage after a call and asks to see him in his office. 

“Buck, do I need to separate you and Eddie in the field? Is there something going on between the two of you?” 

“No!” He hurries to respond, but as soon as the protest is out of his mouth, he realizes that he may have disagreed too quickly. “Nothing’s going on; we’re fine. Why, did we miss something at a scene?” He starts mentally cataloguing the calls they’ve responded to recently, trying to remember an instance where he and Eddie were anything less than the perfect pair of colleagues. 

“No, no, you’re doing great work. As always, I might add.” Bobby sighs. “I was just … wondering. But if you say you’re fine, then you’re fine. Go, I’ll meet you to get dinner started in half an hour.” 

* * *

“Hey, Chris is over at Tyler’s house tonight. Wanna come by after shift, watch something that isn’t PG rated?” Eddie stops Buck in the station kitchen, carefully gauging his reaction. 

There’s something off in how Buck has been treating him the last week or so. He can’t put his finger on what happened, but Buck is colder toward him, closer to how it was when they first met, except that they’re still attached at the hip. 

He’s just as attached to Eddie’s physical presence as ever, but everything he’s said all week has been clipped and monotone, and Eddie has no idea why. 

But he wants to be there for Buck, help him figure out how to deal with whatever’s going on in his head, so he still invites him over, still opens two beers instead of one, still asks for three sets of silverware when he picks up takeout. Because Buck is still accepting his invitations to hang out, even if the actual time they spend together is icy and stilted. 

“Yeah.” Buck shrugs and puts his plate in the sink, careful not to brush against Eddie as he walks past him out of the room. 

_Casual contact never used to be a problem for them_. 

He spends the afternoon thinking back, trying to find a moment when he might have crossed a line, might have accidentally done something to make Buck uncomfortable. It started with the girl in the car accident, but she was going to make a full recovery. Come to think of it, they were in the middle of a hot streak, no fatalities since before Buck started acting strange, 

It’s still on his mind when Buck pulls into his driveway right behind him, and when he clicks through Netflix for an action movie for them to watch. 

The movie holds his attention well enough that he doesn't think about it until the credits are rolling and Eddie looks over to see Buck half-draped over the far arm of the sofa, putting as much physical distance between them as he can without being too obvious about it. 

“Alright, that’s it.” Eddie puts his beer bottle down and turns to face Buck. “What the hell is your problem? Whatever I did to you, tell me, because I have no idea.” 

“What you did?!” Buck shouts and barks out a dry laugh. “You want to know what you _did_ ? How about this?” He stands up and starts pacing across the living room, waving his arms wildly as he continues. “You made me realize I’d wasted _28 years_ of my life not being in love and thinking that I was, before I figured out that _this_ is the only time I’ve ever really been in love!” He stops and turns to look directly at Eddie, dropping his voice back to its normal volume but keeping the angry edge. “ _You_ are the _only_ time I’ve _ever_ been in love.” 

Buck’s declaration hangs in the air between them for a second while Eddie lets the words wash over him. 

_Buck is in love with him? That can’t be right, he’s been furious at Eddie all week. But … he said he’s upset because he’s never been in love before? That doesn’t make much sense either, not if the only person he’s raging at is Eddie, and Eddie’s the person he’s in love with now._

But there are two things Eddie knows for sure: Buck is in love with him, and Buck is pissed at him. 

He leans forward on the couch, bracing his elbows against his knees and looking up at Buck. When he speaks, he tries to keep his own frustration out of his voice, but he’s pretty sure it just ends up sounding like when he tells Christopher that he’s disappointed in him for something. 

“So let me get this straight. You realize you’re in love with me, and you take it out on me, the person you’re in love with?” He rolls his eyes. “Doesn’t work like that, Buck. I mean, I didn’t take it out on you when I figured out my feelings.” 

His level tone only seems to upset Buck more, because he throws his hands up and takes a step closer to Eddie. 

“Well who else am I supposed to take it out on?!” Buck isn’t shouting this time, but there’s a harsh tone to his words, a few decibels louder than Eddie is used to. “There’s no one else to be pissed at when you’re the one who made me – wait …" Eddie swallows his smirk, but can see the exact moment when Buck realizes what he’d said. “When you _what_?” 

Eddie had long come to terms with his own feelings for Buck and reached a point where he was happy having the other man in his life in any capacity. Still, he can feel anticipation building now that he knows Buck has feelings for him too. He briefly considers shouting it out his living room window, but he’s also pretty sure that they’ll never work through this if at least one of them can’t stay cool-headed. 

And it’s clearly not going to be Buck, so Eddie sighs and chuckles, pinching the bridge of his nose and letting go before he replies. 

“It’s been a year, man. Keep up.” 

“A YEAR?!” 

Eddie was right, it turns out, about Buck not being the one to stay level-headed about all of this, because he’s gone, stomping off into the kitchen. He stays where he is, watching Buck storm back and forth across the room, running his hands through his hair and muttering to himself. 

It’s loud enough for Eddie to hear that he’s talking, but not enough that he can pick out the words. So he gives Buck a moment to calm down, taking the opportunity to sip at his beer and watch the way Buck’s shirt pulls tightly over the muscles in his back while he gestures to the empty room. 

Buck leans against the counter, putting all of his weight on his arms for a quick moment before he’s pushing himself upright with a heavy sigh, and Eddie’s mouth goes dry when he sees the flex in Buck’s biceps. 

_Somebody has to do something to move things along_. 

So he drains the last swallows from his bottle and stands up, moving carefully to lean against the kitchen doorframe. The new vantage point lets him more clearly see the tight clench in Buck’s jaw, the short jerkiness of his every movement. 

Finally, Eddie speaks, calling across the room just loudly enough to be heard. 

“Buck. Get back here.” Eddie has no idea what he’s going to say next, no plan for when Buck turns to face him. Honestly, he’s not actually expecting Buck to acknowledge him, since he still seems pretty angry about everything. 

But he does; he turns and walks toward Eddie, and Eddie surprises them both when he steps forward to meet him right before he gets to the doorway. 

And he surprises them both again when he reaches out to take Buck by the shoulders and reverse their positions so he can walk Buck backwards until he’s pushed against the wall. Buck is still agitated, and Eddie can feel the tension coiled just beneath his skin, can feel him thinking about pushing back and starting a fight. 

It would be a close fight too, Eddie thinks. They’re pretty evenly matched, even if Buck has an edge on his physical size. Eddie has more hand-to-hand fighting experience, after all. He’d never hurt Buck intentionally, but he’ll fight back, push against him just enough to subdue him if he must. 

Thankfully, Buck doesn’t shove him away. He just lets Eddie hold him there, fingertips digging into his skin, until he stops vibrating with pent-up anger and the tension sags out of his shoulders. 

And Eddie has no idea what to do next. He’s standing here, pressing Buck against the wall in his kitchen, knowing that they’ve both got feelings for each other. But he doesn’t know what Buck wants to do about those feelings, and he doesn’t want to do anything to push him too far or too fast and scare him off. 

This has been the longest week of his life, trying to figure out if he’d scared Buck off, and he’s damn sure not going to ruin things now. 

But there’s only one thing he wants to do, and he can only think of a few ways for it to go wrong. _What the hell_ , he figures, _never gotten anywhere by sitting around and doing nothing_. 

So he steps closer, just close enough that he can brush his lips gently across the tip of Buck’s nose. As soon as he’s made the contact, he steps back again, but keeps holding Buck by his shoulders, fingers twitching lightly with the effort it’s taking not to pull Buck into his arms. 

“What was _that_?” Buck whispers and Eddie’s heart drops. 

He shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have made even the tiniest move until he was absolutely certain Buck would be interested in acting on their mutual feelings. But he did, and now he can feel the muscles in Buck’s shoulders going stiff again. 

So Eddie lets go, and steps back, putting more space between them. 

“You had … there was a bug on your nose, and I … my hands were full.” He can’t remember the last time he was at such a loss for words, but what else is there to say when Buck is looking at him like that? ‘Well I like you, and you say you like me, so I kissed you without making sure that was something you were OK with’? 

He’d never do that to Buck. 

Except he clearly just did. 

“Full … of my shoulders?” A heavy silence falls between them, and Eddie watches as Buck goes wound tight again. This time, he’s not confident that Buck isn’t going to hit him, not like he was sure of that before. 

And really, he wouldn’t blame Buck. After what he did, he probably deserves a solid hit or two. A knee to the groin, maybe. He’s pretty sure he’d knee himself right now if his legs would bend that way, just for making Buck uncomfortable. 

He’s still staring at Buck, waiting for his next move, when Buck’s hand comes up to brush against the tip of his nose, following the trail Eddie’s lips had taken. 

“Buck?” He finally breaks the silence, wincing a bit. “If you’re going to hit me, can we get it over with?” 

“Why would I hit you?” Buck sounds genuinely curious, but Eddie figures he must know what just happened. “I mean, that kiss was _weak,”_ he chuckles and grins, and for a moment things almost feel normal again. “But I wouldn’t _hit_ you for that.” 

“What?” It’s Eddie’s turn to be confused now. Buck didn’t like the kiss, that much was clear, but he doesn’t seem upset with Eddie anymore. Which had been the goal when Eddie leaned forward, but it doesn’t match the discomfort that had been clouding the room until Buck finally smiled and cleared the darkness away. 

“I’m just saying, you say you’ve been into me for a year, and then, what? Brush your lips over my nose? Don’t tell me that’s the best you can do.” Buck raises his eyebrows and tucks the tip of his tongue between his lips teasingly, and Eddie thinks he might know what’s going on. 

Still, he can’t be sure until Buck tells him, so he smiles back and crosses his arms. 

“What?” There’s amusement in his voice now, and Buck smiles a little wider. 

“C’mon, man, if you’re going to shove me up against the wall and kiss me, at least kiss me like you mean it.” 

“It’s called a romantic gesture, you idiot,” But Eddie is grinning back now, as he steps forward and drops his hands to squeeze Buck’s hips. He pushes Buck back against the wall and leans forward once more, whispering the end of his sentence against Buck’s half-parted lips. “But if you wanted another kiss, all you had to do was ask. All you’ve ever had to do was ask.” 

Buck says something back, and Eddie is pretty sure it’s “kiss me again,” but he can’t tell for sure. Not with the way Buck’s breath hitches halfway through when Eddie presses their bodies together. 

And does exactly what Buck asked. 

**Author's Note:**

> this was loosely inspired by What Is A Feeling from Galavant, if anyone is looking for a song to go with the fic. other than that, let me know what you think, and take care!  
> xoxo


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